Google Reviews of the Quality of Service at Mount Everest Base Camp IV

A screenshot of what I saw when I looked up Mount Everest. It seems to have a new set of pictures, and gave me the left panel when I clicked on “Everest Base Camp IV” on the map. This is in Sattelite View.

Base Camp IV is the camp nearest to the summit of the tallest mountain in the world. It is situated at 26,000 feet above sea level, in the oxygen-deprived region of the mountain called the “death zone”. It gets its name from the fact that at that altitude your body is consuming oxygen faster than you can breathe it in. When you surf there on Google Maps, you get a map of the summit, and depending on how much screen you have, the snow-encrusted Base Camps III and IV. If you went there on a search, Google likes to present you with a panel with hopefully useful information on the left-hand side.

With that, some rather questionable user options that seem out of place here. One of them is a phone number (do they really have phone service?), and a checkbox to “Claim this business”, making assumptions that are really unsuitable.

But the least suitable of all is that Google Maps offers a “Review” section, as if this is some kind of swanky hotel or neighbourhood restaurant. The people who climb Everest aren’t going there for room service or good food, and are probably assuming that Base Camp IV doesn’t have any kind of entertainment or any other reference to normal urban civilization that most of us are used to. To anyone not in the know: that isn’t why you climb Everest.

The truth is, one-third of climbers never make it to the summit, and 2% never make it back alive. If the weather is unfavourable to climb the rest of the way up after 48 hours at Camp IV, climbers are forced to return, effectively giving up their bid to make it to the top.

Then came the reviews. The authors of the reviews knew that the review section was out of place, and decided to put absurd, obviously fake, reviews which may be found here, and some zingers are given below:

From David Bell: The pool was closed when I checked in and they didn’t know when it would re-open, which was very disappointing. I also found it concerning that there was no bellhop available to help with my luggage and i had to carry it all myself. As for my accommodations Camp IV was rather cold and had a horrible draft. I was also told I would be given sherbet each day, orange is my favorite, yet when I arrived I was assigned a Sherpa who wasn’t sure what I was inquiring about. Pro tip: Don’t bother bringing ice for cocktail hour, there is plenty to be had. Overall I have to rate the local 5 stars for its location and scenery alone., simply majestic views and wildlife. The Yeti were very welcoming!

From Cheyenne Nicole Philips: Broke a nail on the way up! Very long walk from the parking lot! No cell service, wore the wrong shoes. Was told I would get a king size bed. When I showed up they only had sleeping bags. Didn’t pack a colorful enough outfit. Wind messed up my hair. Starbucks was closed! Will have to try again in the summer. Hopefully pool will be open, the views were average too.

From Shawn Speller: It was, well, alright I guess. Complimentary breakfast was alright: toast, jam, various fruits. Played bingo at the pavilion in the afternoon which was fun, although I have to say the sherpa caller was a little hard to hear so it made for a couple false bingos which was a little annoying. As far as the views, I mean, you get what you get. It’s a little cloudy in the mornings by mid day it clears up a bit but all you’re seeing is a rock and yeah I guess it’s a big rock but as other reviewers said too the brochure makes it look a lot bigger (false advertising). I’m giving a 3 star review simply because cell service was not an issue, I got 3 bars at the top of the mountain and was able to chill for a bit and binge watch Game of Thrones.

From Nick Randall-Smith: This is the 21st century and there is absolutely no provision for the disabled at this camp, there was no place to charge the battery on my wheelchair. All was not lost as I persuaded a Sherpa to carry me up to the viewing point at the top of the mountain, thank goodness I remembered my American Express card because the Sherpa charged a fortune with the feeble excuse that he was risking his life to get me up to the summit, and he had a problem getting the card machine to work too. The view was pretty good but I was hoping to see the sea from the top but you can’t so that was a disappointment. When we got down I offered the Sherpa a $5 tip but he rudely told me where to shove my good American dollars, ungrateful brute.

From Justin Mehoni: Bit rocky for sunbathing. I could feel the stones below my beach towel. And when I got up some darned yeti stole all my clothes!

From Martino Keates: No proper rooms, just TENTS!!! Food very boring. Asked for an omelette and salmon, received a biscuit. Worth noting that evenings can get very cold. Bring a cardigan.

From Kelly Zitterkopf: It was pretty cool, but the mountain wasn’t as tall as the brochure made it look. The camp didn’t provide wifi and cell reception was terrible. I was able to get one bar at the top of the mountain, but I found it tedious to walk up to the summit every time I wanted to update my twitter.

A composite of some reviews: No pets allowed. The wi-fi was pretty bad. Also the local CVS said they didn’t sell cigarettes anymore. Poor sea view. You have to go through Everest to the nearest TESCO. Also – I was under the impression that there was to be a “wise man” or some such personage at the summit. There wasn’t; instead I was subjected to the inane yammering of a veterinarian from Brisbane who kept calling me a “tough little sheila” whatever the heck that’s supposed to mean.

More reviews: Too far from the nearest parking lot, and no beer store. Starbucks was open when I came, but they couldn’t fill my order for “Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet’N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice”. Oh and there is no cell service or wi-fi. This is the 21st century, how can there be no wi-fi? Won’t go back any time soon.

Still more: OK, I suppose, but the views were ruined by a great big mountain in the way. Also, there is poor signage and no ski lift. When I complained, they said they expected me to walk to the top of Everest! Do you know how freakin’ high Everest is? Apart from that, the toilets smelled and there were no antibacterial wipes either. I misread the equipment manifest and as a result brought tanks of helium rather than oxygen. As a result, the sherpas never took my commands seriously due to my now high-pitched voice. I had to put up with the sherpas, since they wouldn’t let me drive my camper to the summit.

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